Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
