I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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