Sry I called you an 8
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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