When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
