If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
