ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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