i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
