im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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