Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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