Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
