We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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