You're so nebulous sometimes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
