I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize