I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
