i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
