Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
