Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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