Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
