id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
