my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The best revenge is premature balding
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize