I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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