they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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