just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
