I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize