i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
