just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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