first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
