Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
