bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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