My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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