oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There r osticjed everywhere
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
