everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
