Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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