ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
