A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
