How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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