Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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