the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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