i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
