ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
