Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
