So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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