I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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