i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
