no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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