every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We are all done wearing pants today
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize