The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
