Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
