will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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