ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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