I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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