I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
