Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize