i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
