i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
