I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
