I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
