Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Fuck appropriateness.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
