I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
do nipples grow back?
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