She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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