So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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