if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
