it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
