I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
