i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
