i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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